Snappy Comebacks To The Stupid Things That Carnivores Say

Image source:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaxxon/ / CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

In my previous post, I talked about sharing your point of view as a vegetarian with family and friends and getting them involved in your new way of life.

While mulling over topics for today's post, I came across an old copy of Vegetarian Times---1996 to be exact---which has a hilarious (and helpful) article for long-suffering vegetarians.



We all know that 99% of the time, this only works with some 30% of the meat-eating human population (I assume you won't have much trouble convincing your dog or cat, as long as they get to eat their regular pet food). The remaining 70% of meat-eaters will be baffled, horrified and often, just plain insulting. If you're a vegetarian kid or teenager, you'll likely to be bullied or picked on at school and called names. When you're an adult, the bullies use thinly veiled or in-your-face insults.


Being vegetarian and therefore a 'minority' doesn't make you fair game for small-minded people. You have a right to be who you want to be. Unfortunately, this also holds true for the more boorish among the carnivores who are compulsive veggie-bashers.


That's exactly why I wanted to share the Vegetarian Times article with you today. Here is an excerpt of the online version of "Help! I'm surrounded by idiots! Snappy comebacks to stupid remarks - responses for vegetarians":

YOU'RE in the cafeteria, enjoying a salad and minding your own business. Then you see that guy from the office down the hall--the creep who doesn't miss an opportunity to give you grief over your diet--coming your way. You steel yourself for his inevitable dig, knowing secretly that this is a day that will make cafeteria history: The day in which you finally get the last word. Unbeknownst to El Creepo, you've stashed this handy list of withering comebacks under your napkin. Go ahead, let him have it. He deserves it. Just try not to chortle.


Boorish Carnivore: "You vegetarians love to deny yourself things, don't you?"


Snapper: "Yes, things like heart attacks, diabetes and cancer."


Boorish Carnivore: "Tofu is gross. 


Snapper: "But 'sliced tongue' has aesthetic appeal?"

 

What's the best comeback you've used on a know-it-all carnivore?